Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
