considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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