ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
