I'm going to jail i love you
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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