oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize