the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She needs sedatives and a leash
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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