pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Randomize
