She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Idk if I want to put a bra on
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
