I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Panties = found
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
