Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
