guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
