saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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