no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am midnight drunk by noon
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize