I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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