i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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