Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
