i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so let's talk penis.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
