I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
