bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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