This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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