I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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