Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize