he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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