It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
3pm strippers are depressing
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
