she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize