she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
