2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
