I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
