If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
