okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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