yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
