I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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