being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
