my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He? As in you personified your dick?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
