i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
