smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
