my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
