She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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