saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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