Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
