Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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