I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
