yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
