i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
