Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
