the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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