My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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