I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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