Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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