I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
