life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
that may or may not have been my penis.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
