I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
