I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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