woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
