I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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