alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
