Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
