yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
