That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
