He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
