Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
