Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
