You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize