Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i think i have herpe
just one?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
