Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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