It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
