Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
