OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
