So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
