I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
