New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
