He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
