Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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