Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
