well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
