you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
