Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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