I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
