Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
