Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Randomize
