I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize