dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
