I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
