a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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