i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
