Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
