Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize