So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
