ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
