Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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