We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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