great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
