update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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