High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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