Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
