True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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