Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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