I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
