so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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