So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
